Had a doctor appointment today... amongst the usual questions (do you smoke? do you drink? how often do you exercise?) she asked me if I planned to have children. I responded in the affirmative, and she told me that I was still in the prime fertility age range but that if I planned to have children I should put it on my "agenda". Apparently, at 27, I am only two years shy of the age when fertility starts to decrease, and 8 years shy of the age when health risks for myself and my child start to increase.
I was thinking about this as I left her office, and started to do some math. She told me that the average fertile couple takes 6 months to get pregnant, with an additional 3 months to come off of the effects of oral contraceptives. She also stated that a woman who plans to conceive after coming off the pill should start taking prenatal vitamins 3 months before even starting to try. Ladies, this adds up to one full year from decision to get pregnant to actual conception... means that I have to make that decision within the next 12 months in order to fall outside of the 29-my-eggs-are-no-longer-spring-chickens deadline. I know that these are just averages, and I may be totally different, but I do not have the best luck with medical/health things, and I wouldn't doubt that I would be at least average, if not a little worse than average.
This whole situation is a great example of how a woman's biology once again conflicts with societal norms. I was 13 when I "became a woman", which, biologically speaking, gives my eggs 16 years of 100% fertility... plenty of time, right? Wrong. In today's society I would go so far as to venture that 25 is about the age when people stop questioning your decision to have a child (correct me if I'm wrong... but before then I feel like you'd get a few people thinking you were "too young"). Which means you only get 4 years of society-approved prime baby-making years! Talk about stressful!!
I don't really know what my point is to this... I just wanted to vent. I do want to have children, it just didn't occur to me that biological deadlines were approaching so quickly... Jacob's response to all this? First, laughter (alright, I admit, I did kinda spring "so, when do you want to have babies?" on him directly after saying "hello, how was your day?") and then "I know plenty of people older than us who have had healthy babies". From these responses I gathered that he (a) doesn't get the importance of this stuff to a woman who REALLY wants kids (b) isn't quite on the same time-line concerning expanding our family.
Am I alone here? Any of you "older" bride to be's thinking about this (by older I, unfortunately, mean over the age of 25)? If you are "baby ready", do your FHs have the same level of desire?
Hey, what a great question! I think asking your soon-to-be is perfectly fair too! is your clock ticking on its own or just after leaving the doctor's office? You eggs aren't trash once you turn 29 so don't sweat it.
ReplyDeleteI had my first just shy of 17, and it was WAY easier than my second at 28. So screw sociatal norms. even though you can't exactly go back in time to when you were 18, have a baby and give them the finger. But you get what I'm saying.
my clock was ticking from about 23 until last year when i had my baby.
I knew about the health risks increasing after 35, so I told my fiance that I want to be done having kids by the time I turn 35. But I'm 29 now and had no idea my fertility was already decreasing! I guess I'm just gonna have to take my chances.
ReplyDeleteSo weird... FI and I talked about when we would want to start having kids just last night! I'll be 27 when we get married and he'll be 25. He said he'd like to have a baby when he's 27... which would make me 29. I'm ready now (lol) so hopefully we'll meet somewhere in the middle and start trying about a year after we get married.
ReplyDeleteI do worry about getting old and not being able to conceive so I'm right there with you on this post.
Well as a mother of a 2 1/2 year old, I had him when I was 31 and hopefully we can get pregnant again this year after the wedding and then i'll be done. I wasn't too concerned about the stats either but I was concerned because of health issues so we tried years ago. I didn't want to be married if I couldn't conceive although I see that's nonsense now. Baby or not we would still love each other.
ReplyDeleteStats are just that, so don't fret about it. There are TONS of women having babies in their 30's now and with all the medical advancements, pretty darn safe. I think you two do need to discuss it and come to an arrangement that pleases both of you, because it will be a major, life-changing-you-can-never-take-it-back event. You both need to be happy with your decision. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI am the one who isn't sure about babies. He says he wants them in public RIGHT NOW and then privately tells me he agrees with me. I try not to think about the age issue. If anything, we can adopt. Good luck getting pregnant when you want to!
ReplyDeleteYour Mom had four kids by the time she was 29. Your Grandma had seven kids by the time she was 29. What are you waiting for?
ReplyDeleteGrandpa Steve